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A really deep and meaningful personal poll
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We all get them - those meaningless and intrusive polls that ask you for all sorts of details of all facets of your life that no one has a right to know (except maybe your house cleaner - but that's a different post). So here is Rex's version. Pass it on - instructions are available at the end.
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Answer the following questions as truthfully as you can (otherwise we'll all know that you're a lying sack of shit)
1) Full name: Rex the Strange
2) Date of Birth: 2001 BCE
3) When was your first kiss? 2002 BCE
4) First kiss with tongue? 2003 BCE
5) Have you ever masturbated? Yes
6) With others present? Yes
7) When? Last Tuesday
8) What time? Between 7:47 and 7:48 pm
9) Have you ever been involved in a sexual act involving gerbils, rodents or small marsupials? Hasn't everyone?
10) Have you been circumcised? Yes.
11) Ritually shawn? Yes.
12) Castrated with two house bricks? Yes. By some guy in robes.
13) Did it hurt? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure he kept his fingers clear of the bricks.
14) Have you slaughtered a goat recently? Yes, and he was very tasty.
15) What was his name? Max
16) Did you know him personally? No, but his uncle was a former entree.
17) Let's talk about your finances. Are you rich? Yes.
18) How rich? Very.
19) Do you own a private numbered account in a Swiss bank? Yes
20) What is the number? 38259682868
21) And the password? There is sauerkraut in my lederhosen
22) Back to personal relations - if the price were right, would you have wild, gay sex with a rabid gorilla with leprosy? Sure (it wouldn't even have to be for money)
23) Do you play computer games? Yes
24) Did you give an answer to the last question? Yes
26) You don't really have a life, do you? Um. No.
27) Do you remove nose hairs on a regular basis? Yes
28) Tweezers or blowtorch? Waffle iron.
28) If the Earth was the ground and you were a potato, how many eyes would you have? 47
29) Why? I don't know. I just like the sound of that number - forty seven - it has a nice rhythm to it.
30) Have you ever had the shit kicked out of you? Yes.
31) Recently? No
32) How does next Wednesday sound? Peachy
Now, take your age in octal (using the resulting number as a decimal number) and multiply that by the circumference of your head (in millimeters). Send this poll out to that many of your friends or else you will contract a disfiguring disease and will spend eternity with your flesh rotting while listening to Josh Groban (which, between the two, I must admit, raises the question of cause and effect). |
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